Lucy: Johansson and Besson contrive to make no sense at all

Alas, I have returned. Just as the Governor of California promised in The Terminator, as Han Solo heroically did in A New Hope (“Yahooooo”) and as Bruce Willis regrettably did in A Good Day to Die Hard did, I am back, maybe not quite as significant as their returns…Okay, yes it is. The wait is over, behold my first review/feature in over a year.

I was quite looking forward to seeing Lucy, despite recently being addicted to 24, a night in front of the big screen was at the helm. Having scanned previous reviews and synopses I thought Lucy had a similar premise to Limitless, the idea of the protagonist (Scarlett Johannson in the former, Bradley Cooper in the latter, both handsome devils) taking drugs to allow access to the 90% of the brain’s capacity that we do not use. Luc Besson has had previous hits with Leon: The Professional, The Fifth Element and more, and has a fairly unique style, so my hopes were high.

The film begins with (after some clip of a Neanderthal man in the beginning drinking water and trying his best not to look like Sébastien Chabal) an elongated scene that sees Scarlett Johansson tricked into taking a suspicious suitcase to a mafia of South East Asian descent (that’s politically correct isn’t it? I’ll roll with it).

Sébastien Chabal, the modern Neanderthal man

Parallel to the unnecessarily long quarrel with Lucy’s boyfriend a clip of a cheetah stalking its prey pops up intermittently. At first this seemed quirky and artistic, perhaps the level of quirk one would find in a Tarantino movie, and clearly an attempt by Besson to be original, and maybe reflect the storyline into life in the animal kingdom in some statement on life he seems persistently keen on sharing. This, however, stops after the first twenty minutes, making it seem like the scene was being agonisingly explained to us by the cheetah.

Superhero movie similarity…blah blah blah… superdrugs superpowers… blah blah blah. It’s all pretty much standard, but Lucy wishes to pass on her knowledge to Professor Norman (Morgan Freeman), a lecturer on the potential capacity of brain cell activity. There isn’t really much that goes on in between their meeting. A potential fight is turned into a walk in the park corridor, a car chase with no possible consequences and a kiss that is a reality check for Lucy, but otherwise, in the other 90+ mins reality is ignored and not needed by her. The film’s all over the place really and suitably finishes insufficiently with an Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull-like final scene, before Lucy travels through time (ignoring her previous conclusion that time is the only constant) and texts policeman Pierre Del Rio (Amr Waked – remarkably good at the persistently gormless face, or a remarkable Phil Jones lookalike) saying “I am everywhere”. She either is god, or is saying people using 100% brain capacity become godly. It’s just all a bit silly.

Scarlett Johannson as Lucy scrawling through the film’s loose ends

Is this meant to entertain us? Make us think about humankind? Make us think about life? It just made me want to go home and watch 24 again.

(It’s getting really good, Bauer just stormed a hospital and wreaked havoc – classic)

IMDB Rating: 6/10

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